What happens when an outdoor educator takes a remote tech job?
Stream of consciousness… I keep trying to distract myself from answering this question. And I feel like there is something deeper there that I don’t want to look at. Just last night, over dinner, we were talking about cryptocurrency, how the world is becoming (has become?) more digital, and related topics deeper down the rabbit hole. A lot of what I kept feeling in response to this conversation was frustration, defensiveness, and maybe some disappointment.
I just went to clean some dishes… probably to avoid writing about this anymore. Let’s start with the positives..
I feel grateful to have a job that allows me to work from anywhere in the world. That allows me to spend time with the people that I love, with the person I want to build a life with. I feel grateful to have a stable income, one that allows me the flexibility to build for the future, while enjoying the present, and I feel grateful to the people I work with, for their experience and wisdom, to the respect they show me, and to all that I am learning.
And,
Sometimes, at the end of the day, my eyes feel like steel wool behind my eyelids. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel –
that I’m selling out.
that the computer is killing my eyesight
that I’m not moving my body enough
that this life is so different from anything I had imagined for myself
Sometimes I miss being knee-deep in fresh sweet grass, crouched low to the ground, and stifling my laughter. I miss deep sarcasm and connection, I miss choking and coughing on smoke, bringing our breath together to start a fire in the night. I miss working with kids, outside.
Because I was so good at it.
Home Sweet Home 